Recently I have suffered from anxiety, the kind of anxiety where I feel like my chest is about to explode and if I was 30 years older, I may think I am having a heart attack. Much of this anxiety is a direct result of the actions of other people. I know what the scriptures say, love those that use you or cause you harm (obviously not a direct quote and if it wasn't 2AM I would look it up and put quotes around it). Despite my knowledge of the gospel and my desire to be Christ like, I am frustrated and I want an apology (condemn me if you will)!!! I know this is my own issue, I know I need to let it go but I am finding it difficult to do so.
How do I let it go? No textbook Sunday School answers please, I've tried them all.
Luckily for me I have a husband that is wise and in tune. In moments of my deepest frustration, he will quote scriptures he thinks are relevant to my current (crazy) state of mind.
Tonight was a normal sleepless night for me hence the time of this posting. I ventured downstairs to attack my extremely neglected google reader and get lost in the blog postings about quaint and perfect Mother's Day, or the positive spin on a weekend (loved your post Laura and the party was awesome!), or tributes to children that are now a year older. While becoming reacquainted with the lives of the people I know and care about, Tyler sent me an email from upstairs (gotta love the Internet on cell phones, what did we ever do without it?) reminding me of this song.
Count your many blessings
Here are the verses that stood out.
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings, name them one by one
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessing, every doubt will fly
And you will keep singing as the days goes by.
Immediately I thought of the many blessings in my life and the anxiety subsided. I have been truly blessed and these 4 special people top the list. I am so grateful they are mine!
Looking at their smiling faces and thinking about their unique qualities that bring me so much joy completely overshadow the outside forces I have let affect me for way too long. So here is my resolution: I will let it go, I will succeed, and I will forgive (even without an apology :)
And now I am off to bed....
11 comments:
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm the kind that feels like I should talk about what is bothering me to whoever it is and then I can just get over it. Which totally works for me. If I can get it off my chest I won't hold on to it and I will totally get over it and feel all better. Here's the catch.... lately I've realized even though that's what makes ME feel better, it sometimes damages relationships in the process and makes the other person feel much worse...which makes me end up feeling like a total loser and wishing I had the self-control to just get over things on my own rather than making a big deal about it and dragging someone else down in the process. So there's some support for doing exactly what you're doing.
You are lucky to have your husband and his wise words to hit things on the spot. I think you are doing exactly what you should regardless of what another party may or may not do. I sometimes think that later when our kids are older and they are hurting and upset we will probably give the advice to just "let it go"...and so sometimes it's just what we have to do too, and in the end it all works out....we hope. Hope you have better day and feel great!
Thanks for sharing Tanya. I have suffered with anxiety for years and the one thing that I have found helps the most-especially on sleepless nights is a priesthood blessing-is that too much of a sunday school answer?:)
Hang in there-it does become easier to deal with.
I'm a total stress-er as well, and I recommend writing lists of the things that are bothering you. Sometimes, this just makes me realize it is not as big of a deal as I am making it out to be. You also can see which ones you can do something about and which you cannot.
WHOA! So sorry you are going through this. I have had a hard time in this arena too. I spent a few months of my life so wrapped up in anger, hatred, resentment etc over a situation that it ate away at me and I was almost not functional. The sad thing is that it was over something that didn't matter in the grand design...and it only hurt me in the long run to harbor those feelings....I completely lost the spirit. I can see that NOW...but I felt sooooooooo justified in the moment. You are lucky to have a husband willing to tell it like it is and help you see the big picture. One thing that helped me is concept of "the law of compensation" from October General Conference. I can't remember who gave the talk off the top of my head, but he promised that we would be compensated for every tear/hurt etc. I do have faith in the Lord's ability to be both a fair and merciful judge....that whoever caused you pain will be held accountable for their actions, and that you will be compensated for your pain. Unfortunately, it won't happen today... but it WILL happen. That concept helped me just turn it over to the Lord. Good luck.
I love you Tanya. Thank you for being a blessing in my life.
:)
Here is a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
You got a nice place to lay your head
Your hubby's up there, go to bed
Don't worry, be happy
The land lord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy
Look at me I am happy
Don't worry, be happy
Here I give you my phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
Don't worry, be happy
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
But you got four people to make you smile
But don't worry be happy
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don't worry, be happy (now).....
There is this little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note for note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
Don't worry don't do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don't bring everybody down like this
Don't worry, it will soon past
Whatever it is
Don't worry, be happy
Have you tried yoga? It is such a joy in my life - it took me a few sessions to really be able to let go and relax. And it really does help to breath like Darth Vader. Another thing that helps me is time. Time really does heal our wounds. I love you girl, hang in there!
It was fun to get together with you and your family last week - what a sweet happy life you have made. I'm so impressed with you and Tyler. I promise I'll send pics as soon as I download them from my camera - and maybe one day I'll blog about it :).
Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone! I've been wondering lately if I need to go to the doctor for anti-anxiety meds! Luckily my anti-nausea medication has a slight anti-anxiety affect as well! I know this may not help much, but I always try to think of worse things that could be happening in my life...sure I don't have the best health--but I'm not dead!...sure my husband needs a new job that pays better--but he's not unemployed! It makes my troubles and worries seem a little less dramatic--and I start being thankful that it's only as bad as it is!
Thanks for enjoying my spin on the weekend! I'm so glad you guys were able to come this year! Let's plan a girls day at the spa so we can relax and revamp our minds!
I too have suffered from anxiety and depression. It felt like everyone was against me. So weird. I took meds and it definitely helped. What's super tough is that you have to relearn how to feel the Holy Ghost in your life again. He is still there, you just feel it differently. I had to really just take baby steps for what seemed like a while. I couldn't focus on the entire days activities...I just when hour by hour. Hang in there. You can keep moving forward.
(((Hugs for you)))
-tiffany
Is your question how do you let go of the anxiety or how do you forgive the actions/words of others?
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